Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
