i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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