she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
