You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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