I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize