i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
please don't ironically join a cult
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