My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
