I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
