the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
