Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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