I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
