she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
and you fell through a lawn chair
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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