made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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