He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
