I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
