are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
