yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼‍♀️
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
