i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
