The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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