from now on my penis is your penis
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
