I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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