you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
