You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
