Yo dont text me then not text me
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize