Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
