Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
