I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
