I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
