So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize