Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
