Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
