I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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