They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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