Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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