In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
