reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
