so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
