Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
