I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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