Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
