I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
