I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
