friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize