she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
