a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You have to summon your inner elephant
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
