There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
