dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
