You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Less talking, more tequila
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
