Just fell off a train. Bad.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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