We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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