Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
