I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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