It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
