My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
