I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He kissed a someone with a penis
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
