you would pick up someone in the library
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
