"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
