I want to walk on stilts...naked
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I have already put on my inside pants.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
