Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
