How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
