I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
