Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
