He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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