Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize