there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
