I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
