if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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