I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
