After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
