A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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