hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
