I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize