so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
