I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
