You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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