I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize