woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
