I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
