I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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