East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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