I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
my sisters under your porch take her home
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
