Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
