In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize