bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
