this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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