If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
