Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I need to sanitize my soul.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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