Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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