I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
