The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
