She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
