can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
