I hate your face
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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