you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
