It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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