I just saw a hot homeless man
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
