honey bunches of taint.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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