You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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