Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
