Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
this boner is exhausting
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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