babies were throwing up all over the place
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
