i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
