just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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