I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
