i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
