$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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