it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
