Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Randomize
