she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
