I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
