I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
