Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
